Letting Go
by HumanGuineapig
Summary: Endure ARC 4 : Munkustrap should have seen this day coming, with Macavity requesting his presence even more...but when Macavity offers a new deal, can Munkustrap afford to deny him? And now the Jellicles may have found out his dark secret! Munkustrap is spiraling, losing control, not knowing what to do. Can he let go of all he loves to keep his tribe and family safe...forever?


This is Arc 4 of the Endure series, so it's best to read in order…so Endure, Guilt, Addiction and now this one!

Rated M for a reason, contains sexual themes, though nothing too explicit, I don't think…and swearing…dubcon, etc…

I don't own anything!

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Munkustrap sat on the tyre, watching the Jellicle kittens run around, batting at each other and screaming with laughter and delight as they played tag. He couldn't help the smile that came onto his face when he took in the innocence of their lives, the happiness that radiated from them.

He sighed as ran his claws through his generally neat silver head fur.

If only the Jellicles knew what he was doing to keep the kittens happy and free, to keep them all safe.

His father knew, thanks to Macavity's fury, and was always there to comfort him after he had come back from warming Macavity's bed.

Munkustrap knew things were steadily getting worse.

Macavity had been demanding his presence more and more often these last few months, since after the ball, and Munkustrap had a sinking feeling in his stomach that things were just going to get worse.

As his green eyes roved around the clearing, looking from Jellicle to Jellicle, he savoured the sight, having a feeling that he may be close to losing them forever.

"Hey, Munkus, you alright?" Munkustrap glanced back to see Alonzo settling down beside him and gave a nod.

"I'm fine, Lonz, thank you…just got lost in my thoughts," He replied, giving a small smile. The black and white splotched Tom smiled back, honey eyes sparkling.

"Wouldn't be thoughts about a lucky Queen, would it?" Alonzo teased. Munkustrap barely kept from shuddering. He knew Alonzo was just playing around, as friends and Toms do, but he hated being reminded that he was _**owned.**_

Instead, Munkustrap fixed a smile on his face, laughing, "No, no, Lonz, just thinking about the tribe," Alonzo rolled his eyes, clapping Munkustrap on the back.

"Oh, Munk, always looking out for us," He grinned. "We need to get you a girlfriend." Munkustrap just smiled, looking back towards the playing kittens. His green eyes widened slightly when he saw a flash of familiar ginger fur in the next clearing.

"Are you good to watch here, Lonz?" Munkustrap asked, looking to his friend. "I might go patrol the outer clearings," Alonzo nodded, settling down.

"Yeah, yeah, all good." He yawned, honey eyes straying to a sunbaking Cassandra.

Munkustrap couldn't help but smirk. "And try to keep an eye on everyone else, besides Cassandra," He teased. Alonzo's head swung around, eyes wide. Munkustrap laughed as he leapt off of the tyre, heading towards the neighbouring clearing. He patted heads and scratched ears as the kittens quickly made a beeline for him as they saw him passing. They all purred and nuzzled him before heading back to their game, leaving their Protector to carry on.

His smile quickly faded and his heart dropping as he entered the neighbouring clearing, nose working to catch _**his**_ dusty scent, tinged with the slightly spicy scent of lingering magic.

He followed the scent down a winding pathway to a clearing a small-way away from the main clearing. Munkustrap sighed, green eyes searching all of the shadowy hiding places amongst the junk, searching for his living nightmare, but couldn't find him.

Just as he was about to head back to the main clearing, he found himself pressed against an old cupboard, the wood cold against his back.

Macavity was in front of him, paws on his silver waist, holding him against the cupboard.

"Hello, my dearest," Macavity purred, leaning forward to nip at Munkustrap's neck. Munkustrap blinked, shocked.

"M-Macavity, what are you doing here?" He managed to stammer. "W-We had a deal that you stayed out of the yard!" Macavity just chuckled softly at Munkustrap's angry, but worried, tone. He gently licked at Munkustrap's neck, just under the collar, knowing it was a sensitive spot, relishing in Munkustrap's delicate shudder and the small moan that escaped his lips.

"Oh, I know, Pet," Macavity purred, paws gently kneading at Munkustrap's thighs, hips and firm rear. "That's why I led you away from the clearing, away from the spots the Jellicles usually occupy, so they wouldn't know." He purred. "But I needed to see you," Munkustrap closed his eyes, trying not to react to Macavity's ministrations and attentions with his paws on those sensitive parts of his body.

He had realised lately that he had been succumbing to Macavity's actions a lot easier than he had before.

Munkustrap began to understand his dad's concerns about some influence being put on his mind, but when he went to Coricopat, who he knew would remain quiet, Cori hadn't found any trace, though the mystic had seemed troubled and had turned to his books to further read up on hidden charms and influences to make sure nothing was harming his best friend.

Munkustrap gave a moan as Macavity sucked on his neck, nipping it slightly. He could feel Macavity's chuckle vibrate against his neck.

He gave a gasp as Macavity suddenly grabbed his rear, bringing their hips to meet.

"Oh, Pet," Macavity moaned against Munkustrap's neck. "Feeling excited, are we?" Munkustrap's face burnt in embarrassment, but Macavity just gently nuzzled his jaw.

"Don't feel embarrassed, my dear Pet," Macavity purred, gently kneading at Munkustrap's firm rear, one of Macavity's favourite parts of Munkustrap to grope. "Just accept the pleasure, enjoy it, lose yourself in it," He whispered tantalizingly in Munkustrap's ear, before gently nipping it. His golden eyes almost rolled back at the sound of a low whine escaping Munkustrap's lips.

Unable to control himself anymore, Macavity hoisted Munkustrap up, wrapping his silver legs around his waist. He bit into Munkustrap's shoulder as he pushed himself into his Pet, being careful not to break the skin.

He didn't want to make his Pet bleed all over that beautiful silver fur.

Macavity moaned against Munkustrap's neck as he pushed in all the way into the silver Tabby, Munkustrap gripping tightly onto his shoulders, panting roughly into his ear.

"Ohhh, my Pet, my gorgeous Pet!" Macavity moaned as he approached his end. He buried his face into Munkustrap's neck, inhaling his scent as he finished, panting harshly for a few moments before he gently set Munkustrap back on the ground. Macavity looked down, eyebrow raised when he saw Munkustrap hadn't quite been satisfied yet. Munkustrap gave a whimper, head throwing back against the cupboard, as Macavity slipped to his knees in front of Munkustrap, taking him in his mouth. Munkustrap whimpered, legs shaking as Macavity pleasured him. He gave a small cry as he came, legs feeling weak. Macavity got to his feet, smirking, as he pulled the weak at the knees Tabby into his arms.

Munkustrap clutched onto him, feeling like he was going to fall down if he didn't. "W-What did you do to me?" Munkustrap managed to gasp out. "I-I've never reacted like this!" Macavity tilted his head, considering telling him.

"What if I told you I had put a charm in your mind, only affecting your desires, pleasures and your want to please me?" Macavity asked. Munkustrap stared at him, green eyes wide.

"Y-You what?!" He cried, struggling against the hold now. "I won't let you change me!" Macavity shook his head, holding Munkustrap tighter against him.

"I'm not changing you, Pet," He cooed. "I love your stubbornness, your fighting spirit, your sarcasm and need to tell me off whenever I do something you think is wrong, like now." Macavity looked at the silver Tabby in his arms, paw stroking at the lower of Munkustrap's back. "I'm only taking away the guilt and disgust you feel every time you're in my bed, I'm only changing it so you have more _freedom_ and making it so you want to feel as much pleasure as you give me… I want you to **want** me as much as I want you."

Munkustrap was shaking his head, in pure disbelief.

Macavity just stroked Munkustrap's back, gold eyes snapping to the left as he saw movement, catching sight of black and golden fur.

He gave a hum, deciding to let that be.

"Which is why I've come to alter the deal," Macavity said evenly. He allowed Munkustrap to push against his chest, pushing him away. Munkustrap stood a foot away now, green eyes narrowed as he glared at him.

"What?!" He hissed. "Haven't you done enough?!"

Macavity laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, my poor deluded Pet, did you really think that I was going to let the Jellicles be once I got you?" Munkustrap's eyes widened in shock.

"I was planning on taking the Jellicles once I had fully turned you, but I decided I like your fighting spirit too much to make you into a mindless pet," Macavity explained, almost bored. "So, I came to offer a new deal,"

"What is it?" Munkustrap whispered hoarsely.

Macavity smiled as he looked at his addiction. "You come with me, you live with me and succumb to your desires, you meet me in my bed when I come back after doing business," Munkustrap's eyes were wide, but Macavity kept going. "You do that, and I will not touch your precious Jellicles, I won't harm your daddy dearest as I had planned too, and they will remain safe from me and other threats," Munkustrap looked at his feet, unsure.

"B-but, I-I can't lose them." He whispered, broken.

Macavity gave a sigh, stepping forward and pulling Munkustrap into his arms, loving having that solid form meld so perfectly into his hold.

"Depending on what your dear Daddy and your precious Jellicles have to say about you after this, I may be willing to allow you to spend time at the junkyard while I'm working," Macavity mused, willing to compromise to get his Pet.

Besides, he knew Munkustrap would pine for his pathetic family, and a depressed Pet was not fun to mate.

Macavity tilted his head, watching Munkustrap as he remained silent, green eyes darting nervously.

He knew he was in deep thought about the deal.

Macavity gave a hum, giving Munkustrap's firm, perfectly rounded rear a firm squeeze, eliciting a squeak out of him. "I'll give you a few days to mull things over, but I need to go, Pet, until next time." Macavity let Munkustrap go, giving his body an appraising once over before disappearing in a flash of blue light.

Munkustrap gave a shudder, arms wrapping around himself as a chill settled in his bones as Macavity disappeared.

He frowned as he felt a _stirring_ in his stomach, a **want** to follow Macavity.

He gave an annoyed growl, knowing that was Macavity's swaying charm working on him.

Munkustrap sighed, running a claw through his silver head fur, messing it up. He knew he had a lot to consider, and he knew that he had to tell his dad, but he just didn't know how.

Munkustrap stood in the clearing, green eyes taking in the familiar junk piles, ones he spent his kitten hood playing around, then using them to train when he decided he wanted to be a Protector, to make his dad proud.

He didn't know if he could let his past go.

He didn't know if he could let the Jellicles go.

He didn't know if he could let his life and _freedom_ go.

But it was to keep his family safe.

That was reason enough to just _let go_.

Slowly, Munkustrap headed back to the clearing, glancing up at the beautiful blue sky and the warm sun shining overhead.

How could the day look so beautiful while he was suffering inner turmoil?

Munkustrap's ears twitched as he heard loud talking, and almost arguing, coming from the main clearing. He froze when he entered the clearing and it went silent, all eyes turning on him.

Judging him.

Munkustrap looked around, at the different faces as they stared at him.

Jenny and Skimble looked so unsure, with Jenny seeming close to tears, Skimble holding her close.

Admetus looked confused as he murmured to Tantomile, who was frowning, deep in thought, as she looked to her brother.

Jelly and Asparagus looked affronted, and slightly angry.

Bomba and Demeter looked sad and shocked, Bomba holding the shaking Demeter close.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were hiding in the shadows, looking at Munkustrap with unease.

Cori looked concerned, but there was a degree of understanding on his face as he offered Munkustrap a comforting smile.

The kittens was huddled around Plato, seeming to be pestering him for information, which the annoyed Tom seemed reluctant to give.

Alonzo was looking confused as he held Cassandra close.

Quaxo was looking at him sadly, though he offered a small smile when he noticed Munkustrap looking at him.

Finally, Munkustrap's eyes landed on his younger brother, who was staring at him in disbelief.

"Tugs, w-what's going on?" Munkustrap managed to say, breaking the tense silence.

Tugger was shaking with anger and attempting to control his emotions. "I-I saw you! With Macavity!"

Munkustrap's blood ran ice cold.

"I…I can explain," He managed to force out. Tugger snarled angrily.

"He killed half the tribe and you're letting him _fuck_ you?!" Munkustrap wasn't able to stand anymore, sinking to his knees. "And you were moaning like a common whore!"

His worst fears had come to life.

The Jellicles knew.

Munkustrap buried his face into his paws, sobbing.

Shame dug at his stomach, tearing out his heart, making him feel like he couldn't breathe.

They wouldn't even listen.

Tugger thought he was doing it willingly, for pleasure.

"What's going on here?!" His dad's voice boomed across the clearing. He heard the Jellicles start to tell him, their voices so loud, one on top of the other, fighting to be heard.

He heard his dad's heavy footsteps rushing over to him, smelt his comforting scent, before he was enveloped in warm, secure arms.

Munkustrap turned his head, sobbing into his dad's chest.

"T-They found out a-and they w-w-won't let me e-e-explain," Munkustrap bawled into his dad's chest, clutching onto him tightly.

"Shh, it's alright, my sweet boy, it's alright," Deuteronomy soothed gently.

"Dad, what the hell?!" Tugger's voice yelled angrily. "How can you touch him?! He's fucking the cat who killed half the tribe!"

"That's enough, Tugger!" His dad's voice boomed angrily. "And watch your tongue!" Munkustrap whimpered, nuzzling his face into his dad's chest.

"Munkustrap, I have to tell them the truth," Deuteronomy murmured into his son's ear. Munkustrap gave a nod.

Anything to make the tribe stop hating him.

Munkustrap huddled up, curling into himself, as Deuteronomy reluctantly let his son go to face the tribe.

Perhaps it was better this way.

Perhaps it would be easier to leave them, knowing that they hate him.

He could his dad explaining to the tribe of the deal he and Macavity had made, how worn down Munkustrap had been, how desperate he had been to protect them all that he had made the deal.

The tribe was silent by the time Deuteronomy had finished.

"Munkustrap made this choice to protect you all." Deuteronomy told them. "What have you done to protect him? …we have done nothing."

"There has to be another way." Jenny's heartbroken voice spoke up. "Munkustrap, please, there has to be another way."

Munkustrap sniffled, regaining control of his emotions as he stood up, facing the tribe.

They were all looking at him, shocked and heartbroken now, the disgust gone from their faces.

Tugger was sitting on an upturned paint can, face in paws.

"No, there isn't another way." Munkustrap said, voice hoarse from sobbing. "And…and it's going to change even further." Deuteronomy turned to face his son at that, frowning.

"Munk, what do you mean?" He asked, worried. Munkustrap looked towards the sky, still so crystal clear and bright.

"I found out today that he meant to take over the tribe, killing you, Dad, once he had taken control of my mind." He spoke evenly. "But he decided he didn't want a mindless pet, so he offered a change to the deal."

Deuteronomy looked at him, "Munk…"

There was no other way.

It had to be done.

How could he live each day with the Jellicles staring at him, knowing, judging…

It would be easier this way.

And he would still get to see them, occasionally.

"I go with him, stay with him, and you will all remain safe and alive, and I retain my mind."

"Munkus, you can't be considering this!" Deuteronomy cried, heartbroken. Munkustrap nodded.

"I am." He whispered, green eyes looking back towards the tribe. "To keep you all safe, that was my goal all along, and if it means I have to live with Macavity, then so be it."

"But, Munk, we _need_ you, you're our Protector!" Alonzo cried out. Munkustrap shook his head.

"You'll remain safe from outside threats," Munkustrap murmured before smiling sadly at Alonzo. "You're right for the Protector, Alonzo, you're much stronger than I am," Alonzo shook his head in disbelief.

"How will you know Macavity will keep his word?" Skimble asked.

Munkustrap looked to his feet, sighing. "I'm going to make him swear it on his magic, so you'll be safe,"

There was an uproar, but Munkustrap held up his paw, silencing them.

"It's for the best," He smiled weakly. "And I'll still be able to visit you,"

"But, Munk, he's influencing your mind…even you know that!" Cori cried out. Munkustrap sighed, giving a nod.

"He's influencing my desires, making me more _willing_ , but I'm keeping the rest of my mind, I'm still able to fight against him against other things, but the pleasure and desire side of things and my willingness are being influenced," Munkustrap explained, trying to explain it so the kittens wouldn't really understand the full extent of it.

There was a scream.

"My, my, are my ears burning?" Macavity's jovial voice asked from behind Munkustrap. Munkustrap glanced over his shoulder to see Macavity lounging on a junk pile.

Macavity slid down the junk pile, ignoring the hisses and snarls from the Jellicles as he came to stand beside Munkustrap, who tried to stand tall, but not looking at Macavity.

"You said you were going to give me a few days," Munkustrap managed to say. Macavity just smiled impishly at him.

"Oh, I know but there was just so much commotion and discussion that my hench-cat watching over the yard came to fetch me," Macavity answered. "I will give you a few more days with your family, but after that…"

"He hasn't agreed to your deal yet," Tugger spat, interrupting Macavity. Macavity looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"Hasn't anyone told you it's rude to interrupt your betters, Shoe brush?" Macavity hissed. Tugger snarled.

"Tugger, please just stop." Munkustrap murmured, looking at his brother, his green eyes sad. Tugger looked at him, brown eyes filled with tears, paws clenched into fists at his sides.

"This is why you never wanted me to go with you, you were protecting me…" Tugger whispered. Munkustrap nodded.

"Pet, your answer, since I'm guessing the Jellicles are just **dying** to hear?" Macavity yawned. Munkustrap nodded, not looking at the Jellicles.

"I'm yours," Munkustrap murmured, wincing at the wails from his loved ones. "But I want you to swear on your magic that my family and the Jellicles will remain safe, a-and you won't influence my mind past my desires…"

"And you will let him visit us, please, Macavity." Deuteronomy added. Macavity regarded the old Tom for a moment, before shrugging.

"Fine," He answered, before his paws started glowing. "I swear on my magic that the Jellicles will remain safe from me, my followers and any outside threats. I also swear that your mind, besides your desires, will remain unaffected by me, and I swear that you will also be able to come visit your family every couple of days, but there are times that I will also accompany you, no arguments about that or the last part is void." Deuteronomy nodded.

"You've sworn not to harm any of the Jellicles, so if you accompanying my son means I get to see him, then so be it." Deuteronomy agreed. Macavity turned to Munkustrap.

"Three days to get your things in order, then I'll be back to get you," Macavity told him, before smiling at the Jellicles.

"Be proud," He told them. "You finally chose a Protector who would put your happiness and safety before his own." And with that, he disappeared.

Munkustrap felt drained as the Jellicles rushed over to him, hugging him tightly and sobbing, begging for his forgiveness that they didn't realise, that they didn't think to help him in his Protector duties.

Eventually, Deuteronomy shooed them all off, after Coricopat whispered in his ear, before taking his son back to the den he grew up in.

He sat beside Munkustrap on the couch, cuddling his son close as his son leaned against him.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Dad," Munkustrap murmured. Deuteronomy gently stroked his side.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you, baby boy," Deuteronomy murmured back. "But we will still see each other and you know I will always be here for you." Munkustrap gave a tired smile as he settled down besides his father, relaxed.

Tugger walked in, sitting on a pillow on the floor, looking at his brother sadly.

"I'm sorry, Munkus, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that or accused you of…that, I know you better than that," Tugger rambled, unsure of what to say, there was just too many things to apologize for.

So much time making Munkustrap's life hard by being a pain in the ass, by getting stuck in places or picking fights with strays that Munkustrap had to come rescue him from…there was just too much.

Munkustrap just gave a tired smile, his eyes slowly drifting close. "It's alright, Tugs, it's alright." Deuteronomy gave a sad smile as his son's breathing evened out.

What a day it had been for him.

Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at his sleeping son, reminding him of a time when Munkustrap was a kitten.

He just wasn't ready to let him go.

Three days past far too quickly and the Jellicles were in the clearing, all hugging and crying over Munkustrap.

They had been slipping presents into Munkustrap's sock of belongings, just wanting to give him something to smile about.

The Jellicles attention was drawn to a flash of blue light, where Macavity appeared, paw held out.

"Ready?" Macavity asked.

No, he would never be ready.

Instead, Munkustrap nodded.

He turned around, giving his dad and brother one last hug, before going over to Macavity, ignoring his offered paw, causing the Tom to smirk fondly. Macavity wrapped his arm around Munkustrap's waist and they disappeared in a flash of blue light, leaving the saddened Jellicles behind, unsure of what to do.

Munkustrap sighed as he found himself back in Macavity's bedroom. He glanced at Macavity as Macavity took his sock of belonging from him, gently placing it aside for now.

He yelped as Macavity suddenly scooped him up, walking him over to the bed and depositing him on it. Macavity was suddenly straddling his middle, leaning over him.

"I thought we'd celebrate," He breathed, gold eyes alight. "To your new life, and our never-ending pleasure." Munkustrap sighed, leaning his head back as Macavity ravished his neck, nipping and suckling. He gave a loud moan as Macavity's paw wrapped around him.

"Oh, those noises, I look forward to hearing them…and hearing you scream my name," Macavity purred before falling onto him again, kissing him passionately, tongues dancing in mouths.

Munkustrap could feel the last parts of Macavity's spell starting to be administered and knew that soon he would desire Macavity as much as Macavity desired him, wanting to be claimed by Macavity and scream him name.

The thought alone was already making Munkustrap's body hot and he writhed under Macavity, needing contact and friction.

He knew he could fight back against Macavity's influence charm, that he could fight it and activate his protective charms placed on him by the old mystics…but what was the point?

His family was safe.

The Jellicles were safe.

They would not be harmed, they would be protected.

Macavity wouldn't go for the Jellicle throne and kill his dad, because Munkustrap was submitting his desires to him and he got what he wanted.

He had fulfilled his role as a Protector and if he had to have his desires amplified and want to make Macavity happy, then so be it.

Munkustrap closed his eyes, giving in to Macavity ministrations, unable to stop the moan escaping his lips.

Everyone was safe.

It was time

To

Let

Go.

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So, that's that?

I was thinking of doing another small arc, with different view points of the Jellicles of the aftermath?

Anyway.

Thanks to those who reviewed!

Please read and review!

Love,

HGP!


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